I’m going to be honest here about femininity and things like “goddess energy”. It’s never really been who I am. I’m female, yes. I’m a wife. I’m a mother, and now grandmother and great-grandmother. Yet I’ve never truly embraced “the feminine concept”. Even as a child, I was the rough-and-tumble “tomboy”. I’ve never liked “girly” things. No ribbons. No lace. No fancy dresses or high heels. The only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring.
I’m sharing this because I want you to understand how odd it feels for me to be working with the ideas of “feminine energy”. It’s like listening to a foreign language — interesting, but what does it really mean?
Let me backtrack a minute and explain. I recently enrolled in a “daily practice” class at Creative Bug taught by Lily Sol. Maybe you remember those weird, “funny faces” we drew with our eyes closed. Maybe you remember me mentioning the disembodied facial features we drew, the sketchbook pages we filled with noses, eyes, mouths.
One of the reasons why I enrolled in this “daily practice” at Creative Bug is because the concepts are so foreign to me. I wondered if — somehow — by doing this daily practice — Goddess Sketchbook: A Daily Practice Inspired by Feminine Energy — I might find a connection to that energy.
After those “warm-up” exercises, we finally, we began putting the pieces together, and day by day we worked to create a Mother Earth Goddess. I was so hesitant and so unsure about what I was doing! But I followed along.
I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked the “collage paper” we made. In some respects, it was challenging because I wasn’t completely sure how we were going to use this paper, so I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right. This, you know, is always a stumbling block for me. I still struggle to understand that there isn’t necessarily any right or wrong in art.
That said, here is a look at the collage papers I put together. One was to represent leaves; the other, flowers.
I felt like very much like a foreigner while doing this… a stranger in a strange land, trying to connect with “feminine energy” and not really understanding anything.
Once we’d completed our collage sheets, we created our “earth goddess”. I struggled again here. First, we considered words we associated with the earth, and then we were to use those words and ideas in the creative process. Mostly I just tried to draw along with Lily Sol, the instructor. My goddess drawing in no way reflected the words I’d written on my page — misty, cool, calm, rain, nature, sky, light, birds, clouds. The colors I imagined seemed completely inappropriate for an “earth goddess”, and so I more or less copied what the instructor was doing, yet of course, my style was much different from hers.
We colored our goddess. We created a background. We cut and pasted — oh, what I mess I made! — and then did more cutting and pasting to give our goddess a crown of leaves and flowers, all cut from our collage sheets. We made a few more embellishments, and at last, our Mother Earth Goddess was done.
What am I to make of her? I really don’t know. Does this colorful collage in any way represent my thoughts and feelings? What does this creation say about feminine energy or about the earth? I have no idea.
I do know that as odd as this all felt and despite all the uncertainties I faced, I did enjoy this, and I find that I’m drawn to the image. She’s not beautiful. She’s not truly reflective of any of my thoughts. She’s not dressed in the colors I really wanted to use. Still, she’s interesting. She is bright. She’s definitely colorful.
When I look closely at her, I see a patient expression. She has her eyes closed, and she seems to be saying, “It’s all right.” She’s willing to be whatever I wish her to be. Is that some part of this strange feminine energy I’m trying to find? I don’t know. I’ll probably never understand goddess energy, but that’s all right. I am finding a creative energy through this process, and I am enjoying it even if I don’t understand it.